http://www.thewritingcentre.com/ http://www.thewritingcentre.com/images/stories/ucf-logo.gif http://www.thewritingcentre.com/ http://www.thewritingcentre.com/find-a-writer/589-slip-knot You've clearly done a lot of research into the setting for this. I can get a really good mental picture of the locations in the Scilly Isles and I like the way you've used this idyllic setting to juxtapose the mental anguish that the protagonist is going through. The narrative moves along at a cracking pace and there is a great sense of suspense at key moments. As already mentioned though there are a few moments where the grammar lets the imagery down - but nothing that a good edit wouldn't be able to fix fairly quickly. All in all, a cracking read. ]]> Miles Taylor Find a Writer 2009-04-16 11:13:30 http://www.thewritingcentre.com/find-a-writer/589-slip-knot I loved reading this, and wish I could read the rest too! I think this is a great story, and well written too. The only things I can find wrong with it are some grammar and punctuation, and a few confusing bits here and there. But that is ofcourse a very personal opinion, others may not agree with me, and most of them would be spotted when editing the story anyway, when finished writing the whole. An example of confusion (and here I wish I could look back to the story to find samples, but when I tried just now (in a new and separate tab) I lost the review I had started) is: The introduction of Adam. I was really wondering how he was for a moment, before he was properly introduced. An example of not so great grammar is in the following sentence: "The harbour was asleep in the afternoon sun, no queue for the passenger ferry and an empty foredeck, where she stood letting salty spray peck at her cheeks." I personally would have made that into at least two clearer sentences, and the part of the empty foredeck clarified, but only for non-knowledgable people like myself who don't have a clue what you're talking about. eg, "The harbour was asleep in the afternoon sun. There was no queue for the passenger ferry, leaving the foredeck empty. She stood still, letting the salty spray peck at her cheeks." Dialogue could be improved on in places and I am not sure about the title. I am certainly not sure if the title does justice to the story, and gives readers an incling of what is to come. "Escape to The Isles of Scilly" or whatever, might be a bit more enticing? I am only nit-picking here, I think it is a great story and hope you get it published when you've finished writing it! And I hope you continue uploading your chapters so I can finish reading it! Good luck. ]]> Ottilia Pochat Find a Writer 2009-03-26 20:00:27 http://www.thewritingcentre.com/find-a-writer/589-slip-knot Gripping from the outset, with realistic characters and enviable sense os suspense. I want to know what happens next. Take care not to slip into descriptive cliche and watch the imagery - bit jarring sometimes. ]]> Susannah Marriott Find a Writer 2008-12-15 10:47:37